Abasuu – (n.) the grim, tight-lipped resoluteness with which a Ninja decides that the rest of his life is going to be determined by revenge
“Yobakoto-san took a formal bow to honour the spirit of the deceased. When he turned around the light of abasuu shone in his eyes – and all that looked upon him were filled with terror.”
— Akira Sapetoku, “When Shinkolatsu came down from the mountains”
Agroobls – (n.) (polynesia) excl. a sudden short outburst of anger in the trancelike state brought on by the continuous nasal incantations, consumption of strong fermented, caffeinated ritual beverages and forced staring in a potassium-coloured purple charcoal fire during the V’piigti night of the coming of age ritual of adolescent males. At the moment of Tiplootio, the boy jumps up, tears of the ornate headdress, plunges his head in a bucket of cold water and exhales violently, culminating in a loud roar that sounds like Agroobls !!! , the sign that his transition to manhood is complete and the festivities can begin.
Arroquatchic – (adj.) being wont to haughtily speak with unrealistic eloquence, as in the stories by Jack Vance; arroquatsch: n. dialogue between arroquatchic individuals; arroquatchicane: n. an arroquatsch that has taken a particular hostile or “snapping” turn
The two men measured one another coldly, ignoring the leathery-winged krakkish-hawks that wheeled menacingly above their heads.
Lumpadur Wiskilante was the first to move: with a brisk jerk of his arm, he whipped a thin purple cigarillo from the lining of his immaculate robe. Its tip self-ignited and he put it briefly to his lips, elegantly drawing a mouthful of aromatic smoke; all without ever taking his eyes of his opponent.
One corner of Karlifer Turbaane’s mouth curled upward in an ironical sneer. He fumbled in the pockets of his battered black leather uniform and produced a gnarly cigar, which he lighted with a short blast of his laser-pistol. For a long-drawn minute they ogled one another, smoking in the brooding silence.
Wiskilante was the first to break the silence: “Justify your existence in one sentence!” he snapped at his opponent, in a sudden great display of arroquatsch.
— ‘The Balking Lords of Tolmirane’ by Jack Vance
Bastinator – (n). (1) someone who does not, like a procrastinator, delays beginning tasks, but who immediately rejects them. A procrastinator’s typical response is “Oh, yes … maybe later .. when I have some time… ”, while a bastinator would reply “No {expletive} way.”; (2) the technician in industrial cabbage-boileries who is responsible for the fine tuning of the delicate prodding apparatus that assesses whether the cabbages are suffciently cooked through; bastinatore: the mafia staff member who decides when it’s “enough”; bastinacle: the highest arcade in a medieval castle – usually the stage of floret fights because it makes the participants silhouette so dramatically against the sky; bastinaculum: small room in a monastery where the novices have to perform the passing-out test
The assembled family members fell silent and all turned towards the door. It opened with a nerve- pinching grating and revealed the angular features of Salvatore “Sammy the Giggler” Gingello. Tony, the brute, signed a quick cross. Someone whispered “Donna Maria”.
E arrivato – il Bastinatore.
— Ethel Porridge, ‘Oregano and old lustre’
Betabrat – (n.) someone who desperately cultivates a perky or quasi-rebellious image by mixing expletives in with the articulation of their affection for what they erroneously believe is “science” (i.e. pictures of natural phenomena, incoherent facts or irrelevant statements); also “wowsabee” or “science groupee”
Bidenticulate – (vb.) (lit.) ‘spoken between two teeth’ [ Latin bi – two, dentus – tooth, articulare – to speak distinctly ] (hissingly) spoken through the teeth of clenched jaws, therefore acquiring power of delivery and accentuation by sheer wrath or pressure rather then by clarity; bidenticulation: a school of design that does away with all the heavily chromed rods and globules, polished anthracite and thin red lines, and instead glorifies crudeness as its prime directive; bidenticulator: power compressor; bidenticulative: (legal) holding one’s requisitory in a rude and blunt manner (many barrister societies have regulations against it); bidenticulatte: fashionable, remotely coffee-based beverage that is prepared by spraying fat-free, homogenised milk through a superheated mist of decaffeinated coffee in a so-called bidenticulatrice. At the time of writing, vastly simplified home versions of bidenticulatrices, weighing no more than six tonnes, are becoming fashionable (ill. below)
Personal bidenticulatrice model DeLuxe Pro Executive XQR-1i by Saatchihuko Heavy Industries for the demanding urban pointy-haired manager of today! Also available in Mauve Jalopisee, Denton Brown, Canary Twill and Hockton Black
Blethen – (adj.) the blank, sheepish facial expression that a young, innocent or inexperienced (female) person assume when confronted with the business side of what others consider to be “real life” (i.e. on the countryside; in “da hood”; in prison; among lower social classes as one comes from; explicit and / or embarrassing biological phenomena, etcetera)
Mathilda stood dumbstruck, her Victorian floral dress fluttering in the chilly highland wind.
“Don’t stand there like a blethen public school-lass!”, Prue laughed as she tried to pull the calf out “It’s probably got just one ‘ead!”
— “Undulating Heights”, Ethel Porridge
Blerk – (n.) (1) annoying child; (2) (Sweden, written there as ‘Blärk’) wooden paddle used to (a) flatten dough for traditional Swedish inch-thick pancakes with, or (b) (trad.) smite unbelievers with; (3) unintentional embarrassing noise produced by a bodily function
It would have taken a sharp observer to notice the reaction on the faces of the assembled Notary Supervisory Board when a shrill blerk suddenly erupted from her Ladyship Gwendolina Strose Utkinsop’s nether regions— Theodore Stephanides & Lawrence Durrell, ‘The Memoirs of Theodore Stephanides’
Bobjobbie – (n.) a task, errand or job that is mistakenly thought of and referred to as easy (ah, our Bobbie can take care o’ that) but which turns out to be repulsively hard and complex and cause for much mishap
Bokholm – (n.) piece of waste ground on the outskirts of town where t-shirted, adolescent males gather to shout and engage in boisterous activity. After Bokholmen, a high-spirited Norwegian coming-of-age ritual – alternative etymology: Dutch Bok – male goat and Holm – lightly forested meadowland
No, I’m not coming to your place, Louisa persisted. I’d have to pass that bokholm near Interurban Road on my way back, thank you very much, she concluded primly, though – Jeremy could not help noticing, not entirely believably.
Boardown – (vb.) [Dutch: stagneerploffen] to sit down immediately on the first horizontal surface after boarding a train instead of proceeding to find a designated seat first, caused by a diminished or absent situational awareness; boardowner: [Dutch: stagneerploffer, occasionally and colloquially also: stagneerplofkip or simply plofkip]: a person who boardowns; boardownickle: the sheer impassable forest of entangled knees belonging to a cluster of, usually, texting adolescent boardowners
“Ik word de laatste tijd echt gestoord van die plofkippen! Ze zitten overal: op de trappen, op de grond, desnoods op elkaar. Overal van die appende hangkontbroeken! Overal, behalve in de coupés! ‘s Ochtends zijn het die whatsappende hangkontbroeken met zeven knieën per persoon en rond 6 uur vind je je balkon en alle trappen bezet door herkauwende snelwok-carrièreplofkippen. Sommige collega’s hebben het al over de Plofkip-OrientExpress! Of ze noemen het balkon ‘het Plofkippenhok’! En wij intussen maar de joviale conducteur uithangen met ‘goedenavond, eet smakelijk allemaal!'”
— overheard conversation between two Dutch train conductors
Bumshabble – (n.) a conversation carried out in a pretended chummy tone with strong hidden tones of menace, administered by the dominant person in a gang / group of colleagues / sport club / mafa branch / rock band to precautionarily intimidate a newcomer
Cacklington – (n.) a particularly vigilant cluster of matrones engaged in small-talk; (v.) engaging a C., usually resulting in bodily harm
(1) “I’m sorry Danny couldn’t make it to the board meeting: his secretary has called to say that he’s in the hospital on account of having been cacklingtonned on a cocktail party yesterday after making a snide remark.”
(2) “I’m worried about Auntie Bertha … I think she and her friends are turning into a cacklinton.”
“I don’t think you need to worry about her then, but for the poor bodybuilders that are going to be on the wrong place at the wrong time!”
Claptantra – (n.) the quality that lends a person’s chitchat the penetrative quality that can fill a busy restaurant; such a person can also be said to be a great ‘twaddlecaster’
Corpotart – (n.) (1) female who has adopted all offensive mannerisms displayed by obnoxious males among her corporate colleagues, such as tailgating; (2) any female who assumes that being a “bitch” is the remedy for having been overly submissive
Credocretosus – (adj.) the sycophantic, glib attitude of obsequious cooperativeness and make-believe solvability that is a prerequisite to obtain a loan from a bank. Bank staff that assess loan request are specially selected and trained ruthlessly in so-called Credocretosiums to enhance their sensitivity in detecting the earnestness and authenticity of observed credocretosus in customers requesting a loan; credocretosic: of main-land Greeks, the propensity to lure tourists into the false belief that they’re from Crete in order to acquire an aura of philosophical adroitness; credocretin: (fr.) small, largely useless delicate decorative truffe-grater traditionally made from ivory, meant to communicate the impression to visitors that the owner regularly uses truffles in their home cooking; credocretinuous: that special quality of a glib person who somehow always seems to get away with even the most improbable of lies
– Mommy, Ronnie’s being all creosotic again! He wants my lollipop!
– Zelda! How many times do I *whack* have to *whack* tell you that it’s credocretosus? Well? Well??? – Wehhhhh!!!!!
– Cryin’s not gonna help ya young lady! How d’ya expect to grow up to be a proper banker ever like this? Now? Now?? Let the money roll (TV Soap)
The second day on a typical Credocretosium camp
Cuminop – (n.) the rubber nodule found on the end of a teacher’s pointing-stick. They were made made compulsory in 1921 after several incidents in boarding schools.
Bint nervously chewed the cuminop as he pondered the day. What a class .. he let the faces of his students pass in front of his mind’s eye again: Whimpysinger, De Moraatz, Neutebeum, Nittikson, Surdie Finnis, Te Wigchel, Kiekertak, Kret, Taas Daamde, Peert, Punselie, Bolmikolke, Klotterbooke, Ten Hompel, Heiligenleven, Van der Karbargenbok, Fléau, Schattenkeinder, Voorzanger, Steijd. What a bunch of cretins.
— Ferdinand Bordewijk, ‘Bint’)
Debushikomen – (n.) (Japan) the quality that allows a Ninja to practice delicate things like flower-arranging in such a way that it actually increases his machismo, while it would make the average rough-tough guy lose his face
The three Heichei-warlords didn’t dare moving a muscle as Yaboko-San took a step back from the cuckoo eggshell on which he had just calligraphed a Haiku describing a raindrop that falls on a lotus flower. He re-arranged his ceremonial silk robe, turned towards his visitors and took a short formal bow. “Such debushikomen!” one of the men whispered under his breath, “The Lotus-flower truly is stronger than forged steel!”
— “The rule of the flower”, Okiru Tarabishi
Domented – (adj.) state of power-crazed mania induced in receptive individuals (ie. those with an underdeveloped conscience) who are promoted to a managerial position. Real-world D. has been linked to classical tropes such as the arch-villain, albeit on a much smaller, even pathetic scale: a d. individual will typically express their mania by randomly and aimlessly bossing subordinates around; usually rationalised as “establishing ones position”. Other characteristics include a compulsive bragging about insignificant achievements and being universally devoid of empathy.
Drillodaddy – (n.) (coll.) a middle-aged father who owns an electric drill and uses it far beyond the requirements that one would expect to see in a regular household, to the point where it endangers the structural integrity of the family home: there are documented cases of houses collapsing because neighbours sharing a supporting wall both happen to be practicing drillodaddies.
Last year it was particularly bad!
I was walking down the Calslaan on the campus of the Twente University, and I swear that several dorm buildings were actually audibly buzzing with the collective drilling caused by freshmen’s drillodaddies. I could just picture them, standing with that overly eager expression in their eyes, in a freshly repainted room with their 18-year old, holding their drill like a marine holding their machine gun:
⁃ Right son (girl), so where again did you want the picture of Aunt Gertrude?’
⁃ Ehh …. maybe, um, there?
⁃ *scriiiiiiiiIIIIIIIrchchriiiiiiiiiiiiirrrchchcht*
⁃ Hold on!!! Maybe it’s better on that wall next to the door!
⁃ Oh, ok. *ssscrrrrUrchtchttrrrrriiiiiiicriiiii*
⁃ Wait! A little higher!!
⁃ Ah *chcrrrRrrRiiiiiiichttriiiii*
⁃ And where shall we put the book shelves ….? And that little hanging badminton trophy cabinet?
⁃ *ssscrrrrUrchtchttrrrrriiiiiiicriiiii* *crrrrUrchtchtRRAaRtrrrrriiiuuuuiicrii* *ssscrrrrUrchtchttrr …. rrrr-kriiiichchchttriiiiii* *ssscr* *crackle* *rrUrchtchttrrrrriiiiiiicriiiii*
⁃ Wait! Maybe a bit more to the right!
— overheard conversation in the Vestingbar, Enschede
Dukudude – (n.) (coll.) male who presents a quasi-macho image with an unintended campy edge, for instance by combining a half-open shirt with a blow-dried hairstyle. Never wears a beard, but a moustache is possible: though it should have a distinctly lighter or darker colour as the rest of his hair.
Eloclatsica – (n.) a highly vocal state of inebriation caused by a person’s inhibition and critical senses disintegrating faster than their capacity to speak coherently
Erlicture – (n.) legal verdict which can be positioned somewhere between the shibboleth and the regular command in its gravity, gruesomeness, brutality, sombreness, inevitability and impressiveness
“Judge Crow banged his gavel and ordered an Erlicture in the case of the “dancing landlord” – which gave rise to much heated speculation amongst the assembled lawyery.”
— Ethel Porridge, ‘Let the gavels bang’
Farlinger – (n.) someone who has perfected the art of persistently being on the lavatory when the washing up has to be done
Finniftick – (adj) heavily relying on gadgetry for a solution to a problem or an invention. When used literally, a typical finniftic solution incorporates small, expensive-looking and complicated metallic objects that produce neat, well-oiled whirring, buzzing and / or clicking sounds when engaged. Such finniftic solutions are usually thought up and implemented by a finnifticker: more often than not a sympathetic, though eccentric male with an overbite and a nasally-sounding voice who blinks his eyes a lot and wears knitted jumpers even in hot weather.
The word is also used in a broader and figurative sense, referring to a workaround, solution or procedure that involves many different and overly complicated sub-parts that only the person who came up with it understands the point of.
Its antonym is Ookobook (qv)
Gatlinger – (n.) (fb) (derived from “Gatling gun”) on Facebook: a person who repeatedly posts (very) similar messages
Glooglobl – (n.)(zoöl.) [aquatuberax jansenii prottifex maximus] small, cylindrical-shaped mollusc associated with the sudden loud guggling that the drains of old tenement blocks or hotels tend to produce.
The animal, related to the sea cucumber, has adapted to the dark environment inside the drainage pipes. It is unique in that it stores the methane released by its metabolism under high pressure, only releasing it when it is completely silent, so the animal considers itself safe – usually late at night.
Gralacious – (adj.) sly, superfcial affableness, employed to extricate a favour from the subject
“Lady Prudentia was acting so gralacious towards your father last night at Mr Purvis’ reception, it simply sickened me.”
— Ethel & Daisy Porridge, ‘The Boogeyman’s bride’
Hapclapinefrine – (n.) recently discovered neurotransmitter which acts as an amygdyla-signalling antagonist inhibitor release-triggering channel-relaying synapse-sensitiser re-capturing messenger. Upon release, it causes the subject to experience joy in situations that would otherwise be felt as violating their personal space, or where a false sense of social identity is being forced upon them (example: as in the stereotypical medical “How are WE today?”). Individuals with an elevated level of H. display an overbearing and intrusively cheerful mannerism (for instance, see the character Noel Furlong in the Father Ted episode “Hell” [S02E01]). Theorised to be the antagonist of râgnaructonine (qv).
Huliphor – (n.) a figure of speech that can be understood as a generalised metaphor in much the same way that a tensor is a generalised vector, being equally hard to explain without getting too technical.
An example of a zero-order huliphor (aka plain speech) is: life can be tough.
A first-order huliphor (a metaphor) is, say: life sucks; a second-order huliphor (a meta- metaphor) could be: life’s anywhere the rain doesn’t fall while a third-order huliphor (a meta- meta-metaphor) would then be: life never falls – nor fails – where ‘Spain’ could expect the net Inquisitive Season. The Finnish scholar Kriittaattoonu Torkuurii Tottaatten was rumoured to be affluent up to fifth-level huliphors; however, this remains unattested because no-one has ever been able to decipher his writings.
-> A select company of linguists and philosophers at the University of Walamaloo, Australia, claims to have established a way to write fractal-dimensional huliphors with the aid of a computer program called BruceForce (qv), but attempts to verify this have failed because, at that moment, the bar closed.
‘Illobamperty – (adj.) (yorksh.) North-Yorkshire vernacular for ‘uncouth’ or ‘club-footed’, derived from ‘hello’ and ‘bamper’ (to slap or whack), as in someone who habitually slaps others quasi-jovially, but way too hard on the back by way of greeting, when entering a room or pub etc., causing minor injuries and major resentment.
“Ey up, how’s tha doin?”
“Nah then! Nowt too bad.”
“Di’ tha see tha ludicrous display las’ nigh’ a’ t’ Lion Inn?”
“Nay, I ha’ gone down t’ ginnel t’ ge’ me some propah mash, tol’ tha?”
“Raight – tha’ know well tha’ bloke Cuthbert Mashinter, raight?”
“Raight. Wha’ e been up to?”
“Man, e’ was bloodeh nasteh ‘illobamperty! Tha’ should’v seen tha’!”
“Tha bloodeh gobshaite!”
“E’ slapped poor Mrs. Dandelion so bloodeh propah har’, tha’ ‘er false baiters floo raight across tha’ pub ont table wi’ tha’ sarnies!”— Dalziel & Pascoe, “A Dandelion for the coal miner’s daughter”
Indignoramia – (n.) the display of ruffled indignity upon any perceived lack of entitled consideration. In seniors this is usually triggered by ‘omneek’ (qv)
Inhayrness – (n.) the frame of mind that is required to appreciate a plate of Haggis. Also: a particularly successful contestant in caber tossing is said to possess great inhayrness. Often wrongly translated as machismo or bravura because there is a particular element of raging, eye-rolling, yet clammy seething involved that those words do not quite capture. A similar case can be made for the Spanish word Duende, usually translated as Quality or Authenticity, which misses the point in a similar way.
Inhuming – (adj). of archvillain’s behaviour, the demonstrative jeering, sneering kind of disregard of human life that is meant to demonstrate a sophisticated and aloof brand of insanity towards the assembled personnel in the lavishly designed underground missile bunker, but which is nevertheless inevitably the prelude to the downfall of the archvillain in case. Having failed to eliminate the hero, Dr. No inhumingly waved his sweating minion towards the door that, after flipping a switch, had turned into a trapdoor leading directly to the piranha pool.
Iracchaimache – (n.) great furiosity fueled by moral anger, as can be experienced after finding out that the relaxed “no-worries” hipster-dude atmosphere that characterises the so-called ‘alternative’ coffee shop branches (i.e. an ecologically friendly image (sympathetically selling cd’s of unknown local grunge bands on the counter-top; using handwritten lettering; male personnel wearing hipster-beards) is not a (positively experienced) characteristic of the people who run the establishment but a carefully engineered marketing strategy
Jubate – (vb.) haughtily debating with utter contempt for the the other discussion partner’s opinion
Hairy Harry found a twisted delight in jubating his frightened victims in a sneering voice – usually over something embarrassing – before cleaning them out
— from: “The Shadow & the case of the Pokering Sirens” by Ethel Porridge
Jugglerut – (n.) (1) street artist that has seen better days (2) strong alcoholic drink distilled from seagull nests, prawns and heath bushes (Orkney Islands) (3) the indifferent shrug that someone makes when realising that the contribution they just made to the argument is not going to be taken up by anyone
Kläfferheister – (n.) (Germ) someone with a diminished receptivity of the extent of other people’s private space, combined with a propensity to be overly amicable to others. From regional German ‘Kläffer’ (a sticker or something sticky) and ‘Heister’ (muggy). Though it originally refers to a person who displays this behaviour unwittingly, it is also used when a person acts intentionally quasi-chummy, for instance in order to intimidate someone:
Luigi: “Here, Freddy, this gentleman here says ‘e’s not interested in our … services.”
Freddy: “Ow, ain’t that a pity! I’m so sorry to hear that!”
Man: “Well. Yes. Why should I?”
Luigi: “Freddy Velvet here … doesn’t really … like it when someone refuses our, eh, services … isn’t that … right, Freddy?”
Freddy (puts arm around the shoulders of the man): “No boss, not pleased at all!”
Man: *gulp*
Luigi: “You can tell that ‘e’s not pleased when ‘e gets a bit … kläfferheister … yeah, our Freddy gets really … chummy then … at first.”
Freddy (squeezing the man’s shoulders a bit while flashing a grin): “I feel we will get along just … fine, my friend!”
Man: *gulp* *sweat*
Luigi: “And then … Freddy’s mood can … change, just like … that *snap* … very … quickly …”
Freddy: *grin*
Luigi: “… and then he sometimes does certain … things, that he regrets later, don’t you Freddy?”
Freddy: *GRIN* *mirror sunglasses* *ugly teeth*
Luigi: “Blut we don’t want those certain … things to … happen, now do we, my … friend?”
Man: *gulp* “Um. Er. No.”
Luigi: “There! I thought you would be a reasonable man, and look! You ARE a reasonable man! Freddy, put that … stiletto away! We wouldn’t want our friend to be accidentally … hurt, do we?”— Ethel Porridge, ‘Mob Stop Cop”
Kookabacker – (n.) (-backah, -bakka) someone who is particularly skilled in ‘kookabacka’ (-bakka, -bakkah) (qv): playing kookabackamusic (-bakkamusic, -bakkahmusic) (qv) on a kookabackaguitar (-bakkaguitar, -bakkahguitar) (qv) and / or who delights in doing so loudly and for prolonged periods of time; Kookabacka: (-bakka, -bakkah) (vb.) the act of playing kookabackamusic (qv) on a kookabackaguitar (qv). The characteristic “kooka-backa” (-bakka, -bakkah) sound is created by quickly strumming the strings with a guitar pick while damping them with either the left little finger or by slightly releasing the grip of the left hand in order to raise the strings off the fretboard, while the wahwah effect pedal is rocked back and forth in rhythm by the Kookabacker.
The wahwah pedal features a band filter, of which the central frequency is altered by a potentiometer attached to the pedal (expensive wahwah-pedals sometimes employ a light barrier instead). This set-up mimics the primary formant of the human voice, created by making the resonance cavity formed by the mouth smaller or bigger, producing the vowel range oo-aa (sometimes to ee). When this formant is shifted up and down in rapid succession, one hears, for instance: “whaa-ooow-whaa-oow-whaa-oow-whaa-oow-whaaooowwaaowwaw” while adding noise sounds, creates by scratching and strumming dampened strings can mimic non-labial consonants like k, b, d and y. This enables a skilled kookabacker to make his or her guitar produce sounds mimicking words such as “waw”, “ookoobookoo”, “ookoowakka”, “yeckiweckiwock”, “bokka”, “ooo-kedahwokka-Béckawakkawâw”, and so forth.
Hence, when this effect is fully mastered and unleashed, one speaks of kookabakkah; if applied in modesty it is known as chicken scratch; Kookabackahmusic – (n.) sub-genre of Funk music, characterised by the dominant role of the kookabackaguitar (qv)
Kruffimial – (n.) small portable harmonium featuring a whole tone scale in use in Russian Orthodox churches up to the late 19th century. The K. was played solely by priests or higher ranking clergy in chastise-services, where parishioners who had perpetrated a misdemeanour were symbolically ‘flagellated’ with thunderous preaching, accompanied by ominous-sounding augmented chords, played on the K.
Lalalily – (n.) (off. vern.) a person (mostly, though not exclusively female) who, as part of her/his professional attitude, cultivates a level of overbearing cheerfulness to such a degree that it is indistinguishable from hysterical mania, and are thus at high risk of developing non-reversible catatonic hysterical mania.
Often seen with communications staff in the nonprofit sector, though sightings of L.’s are increasingly reported from corporate environments as well.
“How’s your new job?”
“Not bad, not bad at all! The only thing is, umm, I’m in a room in the corridor where they put the communications department!”
“Ow sheesh! Really! Are there any Lalalilly’s in there maybe?”
“Any? Any? I swear there’s five of them in one bleedin’ room! Arthur Poole, the guy across me, wears noise cancelling headphones and plays ‘Blokey Smashinter & the Rhaâh-Rhaâh-Factory’ all day long on them, at max volume! He says ‘e doesn’t get anything done otherwise!”
“Ow, are they that bad?”
“‘Bad’ is not the word … they’re like a busload of Cheerful Fairies on a cocktail of steroids, amphetamine and nitrous oxide!”
— Ethel Porridge, script for ‘Sales for Swine’ (tv show)
Lillalilloo – (n.) a spontaneous gathering of girls and / or ladies in the ladies’ room in order to collectively correct their make-up, discuss a male who shows interest in one of them or as an opportunity for unbridled and undisturbed giggling; Lilliwaggle (n.) of elderly ladies, the circular upwards motion of the shoulders that, together with protruding the head, half-closing the eyes and beaming, signals a feeling of delighted anticipation for something cozy
Loopingtooting – (pres. part.) to pairwise thread from one shop to another without ever buying anything, while maintaining a spirited conversation
I didn’t believe my eyes .. I simply wanted to buy a shirt but not a change .. the place was simply packed with loopingtooting matrones.
Materazzo – (n). (it.) small group of maundering guys wearing sleek black padded jackets that look as if they’ve been made from flattened mattresses
Moojam – (n.) the cluster of passengers standing on the platform, blocking the train doors in cow-like catatonia, making it effectively impossible to get off the train without physically pushing them aside
Njetneepee – (n.) Russ. Also njetnipi, нйетнипи; person who denies, refuses or negates anything. From the Russian soubriquet for Charles the Gaulle that circulated in the lower echelons of the Tass news agency in the late 1960’s until a formal French protest forced Leonid Breznew to end the practice by threatening to send journalists using it to Siberia, which naturally caused the word to became much wider known and used. Its antonym is Yayama (qv)
Oogliewoogliewoggle – (n.) the wobbling motion of the shoulders made by an adult, accompanied by uttering oogliewooglie sounds (qv) when trying to extract a smile from a newborn baby
Ominotional – (adj.) (lit.) of prose: the degree to which it can induce a sense of loathing, disgust or antipathy in the reader apart from the factual contents
Omneek – (n.) The tendency to be greatly startled by practically anything, caused by persistently ignoring, or being unaware of, the direct environment
Ompompolusac – (n.) (1) technical name for the cone-shaped outcroppings (usually three in number) on the hat of a court-jester’s uniform (2) bag on the end of a long pole, as handled by the Frere Fou, adjutant of Prince Carnival in Louisiana, mocking the Catholic service collect bag, e.g. in the title of the traditional Zydeco song “I left my Ompompolusac that night on the Vestrophiliac (under the harvest moon)”
Pollatutu – (n.) traditional African game loosely based on the traditional demon-exorcise dance of the N’Pongo people, where the possessed person is slapped around the ears with a certain type of local flat-fish. In pollatutu, there are five teams of five players. The idea is that each player has to touch as many ears of members of the other teams without being touched themselves. To further complicate the game, there is a protective guard called n’pumakazokuwe (qv) that three of the five players wear. When a player wears this guard, touching his or her ears is taking into account only for a limited time. Also, there is a certain area of the playing field called hububohobnobni where unprotected players of a given team may try and take the n’pumakazokuwe of their team mates as long as they have their own ears touched by at least one player of the other team but not more than three times, and only if they manage completely singing the long ritual “Mahana, bakam ipito n’pumakazokuwe kutumo” song while remaining entirely within the hububohobnobni area – and if the jury of village elders value their rendition as sufficiently ‘in earnest’. The jury indicate a positive verdict by blowing on the Utrumoko horn, while a negative verdict is signalled by howls of derisive laughter.
Ookobook – (adj.) of a solution for a problem or an invention to be crude, clunky or overly simplistic in nature but still partially effective at least, in such a way that it causes embarrassment among those who think they could have come up with something much better, but didn’t.
In its original literal meaning, an ookobook solution may typically involve nailing several oversized and ill-fitting pieces of rough, unpainted splinterwood on a piece of broken furniture to regain some structural integrity or patching up a hole in a pantyhose with staples, duct tape, superglue and/or chicken wire.
However, the word is used more commonly in a figurative sense.
Its antonym is -> finniftic (qv); a person with a propensity to arrive at ookobook solutions is an ookobookoo.
-> The word is also notorious for being the subject of a controversial theory by Swiss paleolinguist Otto J. Strümelivätter, who claims that ookobook is the sole Paleolithic seed of all human language.
Panicjam – (n.) a group of entangled people that stopped moving because they all want to be the first one to move
Perforatista – (n.) a person who compulsively drills holes in anything that allows having holes drilled in it without falling apart (and some that eventually do) in order to minimise its weight. This subclass of the tormaniac (qv) is often seen among bicycle or trekking enthusiasts, especially of the alternative kind. As with other tormaniacs, the perforatista is at considerable risk of their mania escalating to levels where they will endanger themselves psychologically or even physically (cf: members of a Borg-Race-Bike-Cluster who have their heads surgically streamlined)
Pieleerite – (n.) Sedimentary rock formed from sediments containing a high level of ammonium thioglycolate, a chemical associated with the practice of hair perming. A common explanation involves the impact of a meteorite-sized hair saloon at ~ 27 mya (or, alternatively, an alien space-ship with a remarkably high level of attention for crew hairstyling)
Pranamamania – (n.) the display of forbearing martyrdom displayed by some mothers of young children which acts as justification to block the supermarket isle while gossiping among another. Closely related to ‘indignoramia’ (qv)
Pranamañana – (n.) of practitioners of alternative treatments, the unconcerned dismissal of skeptical inquiries After Sanskrit prana – holy – and Spanish mañana – tomorrow – in the Mexican laid-back connotation of ‘ahh, tomorrow is another day’
When confronted with the worsening of the symptoms of numerous of his ex-patients, the well-known cranio-selectronic healer Ankin ‘Toogle’ Tatonic Cadillac Fatize, with great display of pranamañana, burst into a bellowing laugh (San Diego Herald)
Searbather – (n.) the technician in industrial cabbage-boileries who is in charge of the equipment that lowers the cabbages in the boiling kettle; (fig.) a harsh diplomat; small bird found only in Rotorua (NZ) (diplodocii thermophilus) that enjoys taking baths in volcanic hot mud pools – also known as spasiskin
‘If we’re going to get that searbather Mme Silvestra poking her nose in our business again, we might just as well surrender to the rebels immediately! S’Bandi ‘Smile at me’ Tatate, the dictator, looked almost pale. He dropped the UN telegram on his desk, threw his fearsome hulk back his leather chair and mopped his forehead with a monstreous red-and-white handkerchief.
— Ethel Porridge, ‘The Revolution came and went with a smirk’
Sudefred – (n.) endearing, albeit slightly derogatory term for a friendly, simple-simonish type of man (from German süss – sweet and Dutch Frederik Fluweel {lit. Velvet Frederick} – dandy)
Ah, Barney’s such a sudefred ..
Suffrouge – (fr.) reddening of the face, caused by a state of worked-up politically correct moral anger
The exact shade of red of the suffrouge on the Reverend’s face had to be seen to be believed, but after having given this some thought, Billie decided that his word alone would have to do (the Five Merry Cousins and the Secret of The Talking Carpet)
Turgnarl – (n.) ritual food taken by the Monks of Ur in their high service of Traal. Prepared by taking the fruit of the Spotted Marsh Wallop (Cincantraxi Vulgarii), soaking them with fermenting lentils in salty water for half a year, drying, flagellating, and roasting them slightly. The brownish, gnarly result contains a high concentration of an irritating chemical which causes violent sneezing episodes when consumed. The Monks, due to their rigorous training, showed remarkable resilience to the effects of this chemical. The exact gradation of their individual resilience was established in extensive sneezing marathons and played an important role in the sacral hierarchy of the religious ceremonies.
Râgnaructonine – (n.) recently discovered neurotransmitter which acts as an reward-pathway channel-clearing re-uptake-inhibition-blocking catalyst disassembler-stimulant. If released, it provokes a crossover reaction between the reward- and peripersonal systems so that, in effect, a positive stimulus is experienced as an unwelcome violation of ones personal space. Individuals with a significantly elevated level of R. display a marked preference for stimuli that are usually avoided (skulls, zombies, death, destruction, etcetera).
Theorised to be the antagonist of hapclapinefrine (qv).
Rémigestive – (adj.) (Fr.) the (unintentional) propensity to suddenly deploy large pieces of luggage that effectively seal off doors, exits, hallways, train platforms, etcetera without any consideration for fellow travellers (after the protagonist of H. Malot’s novel “Alone in the world”); if this is done intentionally the person in question is said to be a “luggaplurk” (qv)
Skulligator – (n.) (coll.) a (usually male) person who acts out a psychological compensation for a supposed lack of machismo by decorating everything within reach with imagery of skulls, blood, predators, weaponry, etcetera, because he is convinced that these symbols are associated with hyper-masculinity: e.g. mortal danger, transgressive behaviour and rough-touch black leather iron-studded machismo; skulligating – (vb.) the act of decorating everything with skulls, born from a psychological need to compensate for a supposed lack of machismo; skulpeedoo – (skulpidoo) (n.) (coll.) a product of sublimating one’s innate fear of skulls, blood, predators, weaponry, etcetera, by inverting the menacing element: e.g. a dress adorned with “cute skulls” or “Leftènnant Gruber’s little tank (‘Allo ‘allo)”
Shpickengrami – (n.) (Germ.) (older) relative (m/v) who enforces significantly higher standards of hygiene and cleanliness than the person itself. Thought to be a adaptation from American English ‘Spic ‘n Span-Gram’. Also: shpickengrammi (germ.) sjpükegrötje (limburghian), sjpoëkengroema (luxembourghish), and other regional forms
“(…) moreover, it can be observed that in the ritual of setting up their first ‘home away from home’ those fresh(wo)men (m/v) who are accompanied by their Drillodaddy* (m/v) are oftentimes also accompanied by one or more Shpickengrammi’s (m/v) who clean the rented space and adjacent facilities with unspeakable thoroughness while Drillodaddy (m/v) busies her- or himself with increasing the porosity of the premises’ walls, and vice versa.
— “Towards the establishment of a globally shared ‘Ankunfterkultür’ among Europe’s mid-segment university Twitter-generation students. A preliminary reconnaissance”, by Mw. A.E.M. Grübke MSc., T.F.T. ter Kinkeltinkele, Prof. O.O.O. Bling-Bijoux PhD., Dra. Knapinia-Prul, et al.
(c) Prul-Flieber Verlag, 2013
* qv.
Solipsurc – (n.) (soc sc.) an individual who displays a maximal non-awareness of the fact that whatever he or she posts on social media platforms is being read by others: it turns out that they use the medium to externalise internal dialogue
Squalant – (adj.) a state of being maximally spread out, e.g. how some cats can spread themselves out while asleep (cf. Terry Pratchett’s “the Unadulterated Cat”); Squabuster – (n.) (mil.) bomb designed to flatten the target as if being being sat on by a giant toad; also figuratively of a very club-footed or heavy-handed person, someone who is prone to knock people and objects over without noticing or even caring much about it; Squadork – (n.) a particularly blunt, rude and unintelligent person
Tormania – (n.) a state of advanced monomaniacal drive that allows all means to achieve a certain goal apart from murder or physical violence applied to others, but that includes destroying ones own possessions, property, career, marriage, physical and mental health; tormaniac: a person who displays tormania
Twicker – (n.) (hist.) in 19th / early 20th century steam spinning mills, the person who was responsible for securing the empty spools on their axles by flipping the so-called ‘twick’ (securing pin). Also: (regionally) a nervous person who compulsively and perpetually flips things such as lids, retractable ballpoint pens, tumbler switches, metal ratchets, hinges etcetera
Urpee – (urpeenator, -trix): (n.) (urb.) a person who compulsively spells “you” as “u” (and “your” as “ur”), creating the impression that his or her speech is punctuated with little burps
Verbalister – (n.) a person who regularly reprimands strangers about their behaviour
Vondificatory – (n.) room in a Freecarpenter’s “cottage” building where Brethren who acquired the first Holy Nail (degree in the order) are Vondicated: a long-winding ritual of which the exact nature is not know due to the secretive nature of the Brotherhood, but it is fairly certain that it involves rubber bands, embarrassment, nitrous oxide and some eggs.
Watchette – (n.) a totally hipster boutique where you may approach a Temporal Experience Consultant if you wear the right attire
Yayama: (n.) イェーアマー (Japanese); a person who eagerly accepts anything presented to them, usually before realising what it is about. The word comes from a character in a Shibuchikan Manga-comic story: in the Shibuchikan genre, all possible human types and relations are expressed in terms of symphony orchestras, orchestra musicians, concerts, composers, etcetera. Yayama is one of the violinists; she continuously overestimates her skills by eagerly accepting to play parts she’s not ready for in terms of musical skill, but also in terms of the emotional response that the music represents. Its antonym is Njetneepee (qv)
Ziggiemitus – (n.) type of ivory thimble, placed on the left hand’s index finger by the traditional woodpecker hunters of Wisconsin who tap the trunks of – preferably – oak trees to imitate the woodpecker’s call (after their patron St Sigurdis* and mitre – a bishop’s hat)
* St Sigurdis (Jan Mistislav Bregowyrd Sygurski), a roaming monk of disputable reputation who lived in the 17th century, was accidentally declared holy because an administrative error of the Vatican.
English (UK) 
Nederlands